Up and to the Right - A Leadership Essay - Issue #5

April 30, 2022

This lovely month of April, we are going to tackle the perennial favorite of leaders and their employees alike: feedback.

Wait! Don’t go - I promise you this will be a somewhat different take on feedback than you’ve heard a hundred times before.

For one, I’ll share why the feedback back sandwich is just plain BS and you don’t ever want to do it. Two, I’ll prove that feedback is really the best thing you can do for someone and not giving the hardest of feedback is actually more detrimental to someone than giving it could ever be. Oh and I’ll also share when feedback isn’t really feedback.

Still with me? I’m so glad. Let’s get to it!

Feedback Sandwiches Suck

You’ve heard it before: if you are going to give someone constructive feedback “sandwich” it between two nice things. BS alert 🚨🚨🚨.

“Hey there Sarah, you were really great at capturing the audience’s attention during this morning’s presentation. Unfortunately, the amount of filler words you used really distracted from your main messages. I really liked your use of visuals too.”

C’mon….

Ok, I get it. Giving critical feedback is hard. Receiving critical feedback is hard. But our hypothetical Sarah above, isn’t stupid. Even if you meant the positive comments, she is going to focus only on the constructive piece of feedback. Maybe she will be mature enough to appreciate the lengths you went to softening the blow or maybe she will think you didn’t mean the positives but were just searching for something to make the feedback less harsh.

Don’t hide behind positives when giving constructive feedback. Be direct, be kind, and be candid:

“Hey there Sarah, I noticed you used a lot of filler words in your presentation this morning. I think it distracted from some of your key points. Would you like to work together to see how we can improve on this one thing?”

Way more direct, way more actionable, and still kind.

Ditch the feedback sandwiches. There is a time for positive feedback and you should give it! That time is never to couch a piece of constructive criticism.

Feedback is Investment

When feedback is done well, it is coming from the place of genuinely looking to help someone grow and improve. That is the very definition of an investment in someone. It is ciche to call feedback a gift (even I roll my eyes at that statement 👀) but it’s not too far from the truth.

If you really want to help someone grow, actionable, direct, timely, and kind feedback is among the best things you can do for them.

But there are a few conditions.

First, feedback is only an investment when it is coming from that place of genuine interest in helping someone. If the feedback feels punitive or judgmental you can forget it. That’s a gift you want to return unopened.

Second, if the feedback is too general or vague as to be un-actionable it can feel gratuitous. “You didn’t present well” feels like an attack and is hard for even the most open-minded and receptive among us to know exactly what that means and how it can be improved.

Third, if the feedback comes out of the blue, from someone who you don’t have a positive prior relationship with it can feel uniformed. Feedback requires trust to be an investment. The person receiving it needs to believe (based on history) that the person giving it does truly want to help them. It may still sting at first but with a little distance the feedback will be put in the light of the relationship and is more likely to be received and acted upon.

When Feedback isn't Really Feedback

If you, as a leader, are providing feedback out of anger, frustration you probably aren’t providing feedback as much as you are chastising or venting. While timely feedback is great, in the heat of the moment feedback isn’t likely to be productive at all.

One last caution, if you already believe that the person you are providing feedback to is a poor fit for the role or task and you have either a) provided feedback continuously to no effect, or b) are starting to consider ways to relieve them of their role or involvement in a specific project, you may be violating one important aspect of feedback - the chance for the person to improve and grow. Think about how to provide feedback in this situation carefully because while it is possible to still make it an investment in the person, it may fall flat in the near term with the person who sees only the punitive outcome and not the chance at success.

What to learn more?

No matter how experienced we are, we can all learn more about feedback. You game? Here are a few options to explore more:

Most of the feedback we receive isn’t actually very useful. It’s often filled with platitudes and vague labels like “inspiring,” “great,” or “lacking executive presence.” To help someone grow, try strategic developmental feedback instead. This kind of feedback includes eight components. It is: 1) Big-picture focused, 2) Organizationally aligned, 3) Behavioral and specific, 4) Factual, not interpretive, 5) Both positive and negative, 6) Focused on patterns, 7) Linked to impact, 8) Prioritized.

Employees want to hear how they can do better, but it depends how managers deliver comments.

For years managers have been encouraged to candidly praise and criticize just about everything workers do. But it turns out that feedback does not help employees thrive. First, research shows that people can’t reliably rate the performance of others: More than 50% of your rating of someone reflects your characteristics, not hers. Second, neuroscience reveals that criticism provokes the brain’s “fight or flight” response and inhibits learning. Last, excellence looks different for each individual, so it can’t be defined in advance and transferred from one person to another. It’s also not the opposite of failure. Managers will never produce great performance by identifying what they think is failure and telling people how to correct it. Instead, when managers see a great outcome, they should turn to the person who created it, say, “Yes! That!,” and share their impression of why it was a success. Neuroscience shows that we grow most when people focus on our strengths. Learning rests on our grasp of what we’re doing well, not what we’re doing poorly, and certainly not on someone else’s sense of what we’re doing poorly.

Voicing your good intentions can help soften how others receive negative feedback.

Radical Candor: Be a Kick-Ass Boss Without Losing Your Humanity (Revised, Updated) [Scott, Kim] on Amazon.com. *FREE* shipping on qualifying offers. Radical Candor: Be a Kick-Ass Boss Without Losing Your Humanity (Revised, Updated)

Well, that’s a wrap for April but stay tuned because there may just be a cool announcement in the May newsletter. 😎

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See you all on the flip side!